how do you KNOW?

I find myself going through a personal crises

. It may not be big to some, and, in the grand scheme of the universe, It is not big, But to me, on a personal level, its rather immense.

On this path I have chosen to take, One of the difficulties I have is ,:How do you know? In the sense of, how do you know when your personal Deity/s or Forces in your life are trying to tell you something? How do you know what is a lesson, and what is just unintended universal function?

As this path I am on is internal, and not with say, a group, what is a message? Most of my life, I have felt held back, that if I try, if I strive, I fail, I get hurt. Both physical, and spiritually. One of My Valued Teachers suggests that maybe I am being affected by something, A Jinx of sorts, Not from anyone in particular, but A General sort of continual bad luck. Another valued friend suggests that Perhaps, as a reincarnation point of view, perhaps before I started this life, I chose this path as a lesson.

As a received message, some Mainstream religious followers have said to me that God speaks volumes, that I just need to listen, and became mature and close to God , like them. That the wind speaks, that just being alive is a message that I should take to heart. That a Prayer is answered you will just KNOW, and that I prayed. And didn't hear an answer means that I do not have the proper sort of Faith. But as well, those self same followers commonly say "God Gives us what he knows we need, not what we Want!" So, if God feels that we need to get stronger by taking away a loved one in death, is that a good thing? Gods will is mysterious, and we may not know it, we must just accept on Faith?

The purpose of this ramble is that,while I believe that I will eventually walk from this dark place into a place of light, but when? How do I know, what can I observe that can show me?

In the end, it is I who must answer these things in myself. I must reconcile these things in me, for me.

As before, so again, I will endure. I will learn contentment

On your own path, what do you consider a Sign? A Message? How do you Know?

Healing

November 5 20011

Hey Hey everybody. I wanted to thank you all for your patients. I spent a week in September in the hospital, on my back for a nasty infection that, if it had not been fought with meds and wonderful Nurses and Doctors, I might have had body parts amputated.

But, after a Month of October convalescence, I am back, and on the mend. And here to discuss Healing.

How does healing work in your world? I have found that some don't think about it. It "just is" Others thinking greatly about it! I once had a classmate who was going through Chemotherapy, and she said that she had a visualization that the Chemo Drug entering her body were "White Knights" and that the Cancer was a "Ravening Horde"

She would focus upon that, and imagine a great war, and that the knights were winning.

Some use mediation, opening up Chi, and blood flow to aid in healing. Others use Yoga, clearing the Charka's even the use of Acupuncture. From a Wiccan perspective, would healing be a Coven thing? A Closed Rite where you use shared energy to encourage healing, using the earth and Goddess's help? If you a Solitary practitioner, then your own healing might be to balance whats in you so its better focused to healing , and asking for help from the Goddess/God you follow.

From my view as a someone who kitchen Witches, then good food, well cooked, and prepared with the intention of healing, with a cup of restorative herbal infusions would aid in Regaining Health.

As well, my own personal Meditation involves the visualization of rebuilding a broken protective wall. Seeing a pile of broken bricks and crumbled mortar. Picking up each brick, and dusting it off, and cleaning it of broken mortar. Making sure the base of the wall is prepared, and supported before butter each brick with new, well mixed mortar, before seating each course of bricks with solid protective intention. I was not attacked per say, but something was broken, and needs to be repaired.

What do you do to heal? Could you share it, that we might learn?

Next up, My Vision quest report!

Getting back on my feet

Its been a long past few monthes, getting back on my feet and allowing myself to heal properly. Please be patient with me, as i will get back to this Blog soon! I have several posts floatting around in my head, some about healing, and what Pain can do, As well, I have an intimate report of my first vision quest, I hope you will all read avidly! thanks!

Mistakes

Mistakes. We all make them. I would say how we learn from our mistakes, can, in part, help define us.

A common mistake I make is to not center after craft working, spell crafting, whatever you and yours might choose to call it. I have been taught that, before doing work, to make sure that you are centered, and prepared. That all of your tool are cleaned, and readied. That your materials are meditated over, and the thought of what you wish to achieve is a firm thought, and your intent clear.

All of these things I am prepared for. What I seem to forget is to nourish myself, and center AFTER my work! I have read many an account in which it is described that after a coven has done spell crafting together, the have "wine and cakes" A ritual on may levels. It help to bind together a group of people, it helped top talk over things, and help to renergize.

This is especially important, I find, when you are solitary practitioner. You are not relying upon others to keep you strong, only your own singular willpower. It makes sense, looking back upon it, that, energy out, should equal energy in. It's like putting fuel in a car. After a long drive, it makes sense to refill the tank. I mean, knowing that you must go to work the next day, its good to have a topped off tank, is it not?

Translation and perception

I spoke of translation in an earlier post. By that I did mean how do I, as a Hedgewitch communicate with the wild? Well, I will share some of muy ways in hopes that you may learn from them.

I have two decks of cards I use. I find that work the best for me.

Shapeshifter Tarot http://www.aeclectic.net/tarot/cards/shapeshifter/

The heart of Faerie http://www.amazon.ca/Heart-Faerie-Oracle-Tarot-Cards/dp/0810988232

Now, I am told that these two decks are not traditional tarot decks, in fact the Faerie one is an "Oracle" deck. But, to me, they have both lead me to find truths within myself, and y life. I use the when I need answers that I cannot see clearly, I use the for advice on a possible path to take.

In the end, they are guides, NOT the be all and end all that I have heard some people take when using a tarot deck. In the end , as a guide, I make the final decision as to the path I take.

One of the problems on my chosen path is perception. How does a tree perceive? How long would you need to wait till a tree, a being that lives by seasons, will notice you?

Or a Fox? A being that walks on four legs, where we walk upon two! How do we, as people, perceive what they, the animals, perceive?

Patients, an open heart and mediation. Sit near the tree, and think like it. Think of water in the ground feeding you, of the earth holding you securely. The sleep of winter, and the heat of summer. And, wait. Continue to do this mediation, this exercise, and try to understand.

As the fox mediation? Open yourself to all that is animal in you. The necessity of the hunt, the scent of your environment, the success f finding a mate. Look around, the environment, look from the point of view of the animal, Imagine the scents you recognize as being stronger, the sights different, even how you hear things. And ask yourself, knowing these things, what does a fox need, or, for that matter, want?

Perception is a very big thing, to me. How do you "perceive" as something not Human? As a tree, as a fox? I feel you need to open yourself, and look, and feel. Accept that not everything revolves around you that you are part of a bigger whole, part of a system, not that the system stems from you. Is the face of a clock more important? Or the hands? Perhaps the gears! Or, is the clock itself, as a whole what you see?

As a Challenge, I suggest that you sit down somewhere comfortable, somewhere you feel safe, and try to let go, and perceive your world differently.

Hedgewitch

I am a Hedgewitch. I realize that this might very well need some explanation. I do not attempt to define what this word means to anyone else, and hope that my meaning may help another find their path, or, even help them to define that what i do is not what they do.

I believe that a Hedgewitch can be defined as such. A Hedgewitch is one, male or female, that speaks for both wild and civilized. A translator in fact, allowing discourse between 2 different ideals

Wild and civilized? What do I mean by those terms? Well, I feel that we, as people live in a world of balance. There are wild, but natural elements that we live beside. We have Foxes, hawks, rabbits, even healing herbs in our civilization. Many of us do not see these things unless they become, what many would consider, pests. In our careful cultured gardens, and in our trash. As well, the wild must coexist with us, Our roads, our Parks, or gardens, our homes. These places overlap, Example? A Public Park, there are wild animals there, and, well, if you knew what to look for, wild edibles! Yest, in a public park, we keep the trees trimmed, the grass cut, and playgrounds for our children.

There is , I feel, a huge esoteric, or, magic element at work here! If you believe, whats to say that at your park, that tree has a spirit that is hurt by the constant cutting of its limbs? Those Rabbits, who eat your gardens? Perhaps they are sendings of Small gods taking their tributes for the further health of your garden?

And what happens when all of those things become unbalanced? The small gods taking to much? That we trim the tree to much?

Thats where someone like myself might come in. I Might help the gardener listen to the wild that encroaches their garden, and help them, by, say, telling them what they need to give the rabbits to stop taking to much. Or that Tree? I might help it understand that the trimming of its branches will prevent rot farther down the road.

This is the path I have chosen, This is the path I find rewarding in that I can assist understanding of both the wild and the civilization.

The Hedge aspect? Well, look at it like this. There will always be borders, borders between the wild and the civil. I choose to call the border I see a "Hedge"

In another Post, I will discuss HOW I translate, what methods I have been using, and how successful they have been

Definitions

Please, read the next words carefully. It is NOT my intention to minimize, in ANYWAY, anyone's belief, faith or path. I am only trying to demystify what words mean so that you as a person are better informed and can make informed decisions for yourself!

I will be offering several different definitions from several sources, the bolded Italicized words are meant to be emphasis that I have placed there!

What does the word Paganism Mean?

From Wikipedia: Paganism (from Latin paganus, meaning "country dweller", "rustic"[1]) is a blanket term, typically used to refer to polytheistic ( Many God/Goddess like Figures worshiped at once) religious traditions.

Odd, I don't see anything about demons, or hell bound there, as many have told me when they have heard of my path.. I see a word representing someone who lives in the country, and another meaning of someone who believes in many divine figures.

Shall we try another?

Dictionary.Com: pa·gan

 

–noun

1.one of a people or community observing a polytheistic religion (Many God/Goddess like Figures worshiped at once), as the ancient Romans and Greeks.

2.a person who is not a Christian, Jew, or Muslim.

3.an irreligious or hedonistic person.

Well, this is a bit more to the point, defining both a meaning as in number One, and having a comparison. As in number Two As well, I see that there is a Third Meaning. How interesting, hedonistic? Its odd that A pagan is described as a Pleasure seeker, is it not?

The Miriam-Webster Dictionary:Definition of PAGAN

1heathen 1; especially : a follower of a polytheistic religion (Many God/Goddess like Figures worshiped at once) (as in ancient Rome)

2: one who has little or no religion and who delights in sensual pleasures and material goods : an irreligious or hedonistic person

I find myself resentful that a spiritual path that I follow is defined in the dictionary as having "Little or No religion" When did pagan, heathen, and atheist become synonymous? I mean, do not then mean the same as presented here? Someone who has little or no religion?

I, myself prefer to say that I am a Pagan, a branch of Wicca, in fact, who IS religious in the sense that I have faith in something greater than myself!

Tell us here, what issues have you had in defining some of the words and terms surrounding your path?

Protection and Safety

Protection, on a Esoteric or Magical Level. Do you do It?

I will admit, I do it! I am told that saying HOW I do it leaves me open to malicious practitioners, so, I will not reveal my personal protections, But I will describe what I have heard from others, no names, so that we can discuss what may work, and what may not. As well, we must all realize, what "works" may be personal!

Asatru Runes are considered by many to grant powerful protection when carved into door frames, worn on your body, carved , hidden into the jewelery you wear, or even the leather you may wear.

Some Use Potions and Oils and ungents to anoint their homes. A Line drawn in oil across lintels, and windowsills. Perhaps you carry an Oil soaked cotton ball, a poppet in your Purse or pocket?

Many Do a Meditative very Eastern thing. They ask spirits, either of the House itself, and the Items that are in their houses, or Ancestor Spirits, to watch over, warn, and protect!

I once read of a man whom had his bed circled in salt and iron filings! He felt that It protected him from what he felt were "Malicious Fae" and he stated that after his Ward, and circle he felt he could sleep well for the first time in years!

After your home, or personal self , is warded, do you feel better, or more aware of yourself? Do you feel that wards and protections may need reinforcement, or are a "Charged " one time thing? And, have you ever felt your protections tested, did they hold up?

Dreams

Dreams. Do they guide you, or do you even listen? Are they our subconscious speaking to us, or just our minds sorting the days information. Some dreams are absurd, and some are less dreams and more nightmares!

I will share with you 2 dreams of mine, and you may decide absurd or perhaps informative. I do realize that dreams are subjective, and prone to much personal interpretation.

The first dream I will speak of is as Me as a farmer. The Plot I have to grow things on is immense, and the borders are un-seeable, they are marked with a Tall, split rail fence, made of splintery grey wood. I am kneeling in the middle of the field, crying, because I have tried every method to grow things here, and they will not grow, not even weeds. In the dream, I have tried everything, and now, not even the tears I am crying seems to water the light, loos,e sandy grey soil. The sun overhead is healing and warm, Other fields seem to be growing well, but they are not my fields. As I look up, the only thing that is growing is a single vine of Some ivy like plant that is coiled about a nearby fence post. It is a bright vibrant green, and it has 2 leaves. It saddens me that Something that is growing that I did not plant. As I reach to touch it, the dream fades.

Now, on the outside, this was a dream that I had within weeks of deciding to walk a path of Pagan exploration. If that helps you to define the dream. What helps you decide, as a pagan, a Cabalistic follower, a Christian, that the dream is more than a dream?

The second dream I will speak of is rather...surreal, and what I would consider absurd, but, I had it, so that is worth something, I would guess.

I am in a Underground parking lot, It is crowed, and the cars are parked haphazardly some on top of others. The Florescents are dim, and flickering sometimes bright, sometimes almost out. I am running, full tilt, as hard as I can, almost breathless, as I seem to be being chased, by Adolf Hitler, dressed as a Catholic Nun, shooting at me with a Big, yellow, semi automatic Banana.

Perhaps there are more to both dreams than I am aware of, who knows if it is My subconscious, or something more external. Hoe do YOU decide?

As well, sometimes we might put to much effort into what might very well just be a dream. Remember as Sigmund Freud said, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar,"

path

Path, Journey, Travels, Call it what you will, but they all mean that we move. Movement hopefully means we go forward. I have always thought to NOT move is stagnation, and to me stagnation is bad.

How do we move forward? How do we not stagnate? We learn, we explore, we try, and yes, it might very well hurt. We could say that "Pain makes me not want to try" But, how will you learn, if mistakes are not made? I would say "what pain did I get from that Mistake, a pain I can learn from, and not do it again?"

As it is said in a Children's TV show , "The Magic School Bus" , Get Messy, make mistakes! I mean, we tell our children this, yet set the bar for ourselves way to high, and when we fail, we blame ourselves for failing. We never take into consideration that we set our selves up for fail.

From a Pagan, alternate religion point of view, were do we set that Bar to high? Do you ever say that "I will never miss a Sabbat" and then when life intrudes, making you sick, or busy, you get angry that you failed, or hurt, perhaps dissapointed?

Rather it should be "The Sabbats I CAN observe should be special, and I should be happy when I can get a chance to celebrate them!" That way, you have set an achievable goal, and one that make you feel good as well!

So, Go on! Make your mistakes! Learn, grow, and most of all, do not stagnate!

First Post

Lets start us all off by sharing where I am starting from.

I am new to the whole blogging thing, but I feel that there is a place for my point of view. I started my religious views as a child asking what I was told are awkward Questions of people I was told "Knew More" and "Had More Experience" In the religious world. Questions like "No Graven Images? What are Saints?"

For a long time, I accepted that there was a God, and he was all knowing, but I never asked why again, cause I was not getting any answers that made sense. Then, for 12 years I was involved with a woman whos religious views seemed concrete, Her past was in organized religion. "Great!" I thought" Here are the answers I seek! And, I asked them, but, to no avail. Asking her my questions just sent her into a panic, and I got angry answers of "Its just that way" and "Accept it, or do you not BELIEVE?"

Believe? In what? I had not wanted to disrespect anyone's belief, but no one seemed to want to let me ask questions. So, after parting ways with her, My common-in-law-wife, I fell back on what I felt were child like, simple beliefs. The grass was green, wind blew, and the sun was yellow. As well, gravity seemed to work. THESE were concepts that worked in my world. But, where were my answers?

Why did I find it necessary to "invite " people into my home?

Why did I Hold door frames and Imagine them glowing and protecting me?

Why cook food, and try to fill it with the Joy and warmth that was in my heart?

Why? Why? So many "why's!!!

I have many friends from many walks of life, and they all have their on views, But I was shocked to discover that this "pagan" path was just as full of pompous people as Judaism, and Christianity!

Then, honestly, by chance, which I will expand upon in later posts, I had the book, "The Way of the Hedge Witch: Rituals and Spells for Hearth and Home by Anne Murphy-Hiscock", Fall into my hands, and I cried reading it.

THAT explained so much about me, what I was feeling, and seeing! And still raised many more questions. I will say now, that they are questions that I am happy to ask, and happy to learn

So, tell me, share, what has started you on your path?