Walking a Lonely Path

 For the longest time, I have been reading. Seeking the wisdom of those who came before me. To me, reading is magic. For you are sharing the mind, and emotions of another person.

I agree, it is “just reading”. But it will always be magic, as well.

I have found myself seeking a path. I looked back, to see if any of my ancestors followed a path. One other than something Judeo-Christian Do not misunderstand me, there can be great strength on that Path. And my feet are ill-suited to walk it. My spirit cannot fit itself into the faith that a Judeo-Christian path offers.
So, did any of my ancestors walk a different path? Sadly, I cannot find out. I am somewhat distant from my mother and father's families. There is no real trust built that they would feel safe in sharing that knowledge with me. So be it. I will look for a path through the wilderness for myself.
But, what path? Reading, I know that a Hoodoo path is not for me. Southern Texas and desert magic? No. Appalachian Mountain magic is close. But, it relies on ancestors and the land they live upon.
So, I looked north. To Indigenous tribes folk. As I am Canadian, and my family has lived here for 4 generations, I likely carry some Indigenous blood. What. I may be 1/8^th part of a particular tribe? I cannot seek there. I feel that, with my privilege, it would be insulting to the battles fought and hard won by the powerful Indigenous peoples. I refuse to be intrusive. Rather, I will be in awe at a respectful distance. And educate myself.

So, where else have I looked? Across the Atlantic. To Russia. And their Shamans To the British Iles. Their Welsh, Celtic, and Druidic Paths. Those Clever Folk, Those Village Witches. Those who know some of the ways of the Goode Folk.
Again, those paths are ill-suited to my feet, and my soul. AS powerful as they are, and as much as I may lust after them, I will remain respectfully distant, and learn what I can to educate myself.
For the longest of whiles, I have immersed myself in Wicca. That great stew of traditions and learning. But, In the end, I cannot seem to find a group who can see what I have to offer. I wise, now distant friend, once said that “Many walk a solitary path”. That seems so. At least of me, currently.

So, where do I go next? I supposed I would like to say to you, "See? You are not alone as you walk a confusing path”. Whilst I may not walk your path, I will support your healthy journey. And let you know you are not alone in your confusion.
I do suffer disappointment in my search and my reading. And, occasionally, I will put my studies down and lament what I do not have. I will, however, always pick it up again. I will walk down that dark deer path. I will creep along the banks of that quiet, unmapped creek. Who knows? At the end of those paths, I may see beauty. If I see nothing I can use, I will nod respectfully to what IS there, and go on, looking for another path to walk down.